The Nursery

Quite often I find myself standing outside the door. A folded crib against the wall closet of clothes that were to be yours Sometimes, I turn away before the hurt sinks in Other times, I open my aching heart just to feel… If you were here would you be asleep or awake, hungry, wet, or [...]

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Two Years

Sometimes it still seems like yesterday So many have walked up to me to say You must be better now that you’ve had another They see him as a replacement and not as Okilani’s new little brother. She’s an older sister he will never know But, that’s the way his life must go Together we [...]

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The Headstone

We stood in the rain, One cold afternoon, We stood at her grave, Our lives in ruin. Her name etched clearly, For all to see, We look at each other, Our sweet Natalee?? We stood in the rain, Our eyes filled with tears. For our angel is gone, For all the lost years. The stone [...]

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Invisible Wound

Life goes on all around me. Others don’t know, nor do they see. My silent pain rages inside. All I want to do is cry and hide. Tears are falling like pouring rain, cold rivulets of icy pain. My heart is empty and it feels broke. I try to talk, but I just choke. This [...]

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Yartzheit

A candle burns, Marking the day of your birth-death, And we pause to remember: Yartzeit In the glow of light, we recall the darkness; In the warmth it radiates, we recall the chill Of that tragic day just two years ago. The wick grows short And we remember: Yartzeit For 24 hours the flame will [...]

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Samantha Kay

Mommy wept, Daddy cried Neither believing our baby died Suffered through every labor’s pain Our hopes for you all in vain Little nose, pouty lips Ten perfect fingertips Head of hair, angel’s face Caught in Death’s cruel embrace Meant to keep you safe and warm Help you weather life’s every storm Empty place where you [...]

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If Only

Wallow in my deep despair Wonder how, why, when, and where? How much would I give If only He had let you live? Drive past your little grave Nothing more left to save No drawings taped to the fridge No thing this gap can ever bridge Miss you more each passing day If only He [...]

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Our Christmas Angel

She was due January 11, 2000. Our first baby. We had recently purchased our first home, so the timing seemed perfect, even though she was a surprise. We found out at our ultra sound appointment that we were having a girl and couldn’t be happier. It wasn’t until after we had picked her name, Natalee, [...]

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Support Through HAND

By Shonna Helm September 12, 2000 My son Nathan was stillborn on June 12, 1999. We delivered in Fremont, but lived in Modesto. Heidi Olson from HAND called around Modesto to find a support group for my husband Randy and I. I had never been to a support group and didn’t know what to expect. [...]

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Still a Birth

Michael Dilts and Elanah Kutik A “Routine” Exam Michael: To put expectant parents at their ease, the “living room” of the North Shore Birth Center in Beverly, MA is furnished with a well-worn yet comfortable sofa and armchairs. But Elanah and I were not feeling particularly easy that Friday morning as we say waiting for [...]

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